i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
