wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
