If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
