Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
