After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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