It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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