He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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