Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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