Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
