YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
