turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
