My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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