Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm like, not good at living.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
