there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
