I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How drunk are you?
Completed.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
