I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
