I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
