I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
