i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
