Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
