i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
