accomplished twins. life is a go
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
