you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
