Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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