so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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