Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
