hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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