woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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