pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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