so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
