You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
