we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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