I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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