i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
