Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
