Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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