I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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