and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
