we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
