did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
