i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We had to coat check the pizza.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm getting married
To pizza
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
