I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
