My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
