ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
