Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
