I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
