My nipple is on Facebook.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
