Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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