she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
