The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
