my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
