and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
