You're so nebulous sometimes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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