I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
