I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
and you said cock pushups were impossible
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
