I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
