Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
