we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
