Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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