I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
